So I've tried so many times before to start this "blog" and I've just been interrupted or chickened out. So here I am, for real this time. I had a break through if you will. A dear friend is really ill. It makes all my whining and discontent seem so petty and wasteful. I fight with my boyfriend and inside it feels like my world is falling apart, when in reality it's a moment of discomfort and we're over it. My friend is living in a space that does not ever end. The finality of his condition is disturbing and enlightening at the same time. So why does it take the remembrance of mortality to make us open our eyes and realize we need to stop wasting time on the small infractions of ourselves and others. If only we knew the answer. I guess there would be no need for blogs about this then eh?
Speaking to him brought back a lot of feelings as well. Things I never wanted to admit openly to myself or others. But I really am realizing that I was in love with him and now that love has been remembered. So we all know the difference of "loving someone" and "being in love". At least I hope we all know the difference. Well, I love him now, I'm not "in love" with him. I believe in this instance the former is a more mature state of being for myself. A stance from which rational thought can still be formed from, and yet the sweet rush of sensations likened to "being in love" is still present. It's a nice mixture... the Gemini in me can appreciate that dichotomy.
So this is my first thought on the matter, certainly it is not my last.
